I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
