this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
