I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
