We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
