This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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