The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
