Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
