I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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