is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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