Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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