I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
