my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
