Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
