Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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