I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
