at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The air was thick with penises
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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