His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
