I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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