i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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