I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
