I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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