Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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