Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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