if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
only you would photoshop your dick
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
