I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize