you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
