i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
