That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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