I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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