i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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