so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
