he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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