So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
