dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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