IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
