omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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