fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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