Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
