yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize