she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
