as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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