nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
