Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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