I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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