Even the bartender felt bad for me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
