Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
