my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
barbara walters just said penis...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
