me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
