im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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