So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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