if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
should my penis look like a turkey
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
