i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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