So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
