i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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