why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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