i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
