sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
