I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
