I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
